There are a few days every year that really make you feel single. No doubt that the biggest culprit is Valentine’s Day. To make our single souls feel better, someone decided to dub the day of love as Singles’ Awareness Day. Are you serious? If there is any day that should not be used to celebrate the strength of solo men and women everywhere, it is the day after Valentine’s Day.
Go ahead and call my Cupid’s Scrooge. It’s okay. I’ll wear that badge with pride because you can’t make a pie out of cow patties and call it old fashioned apple pie. Nope, nope and nope.
The Delusion of Singles’ Awareness Day
First of all, no one can decide of you celebrate this holiday on Valentine’s Day to spite all in love or party it up the next day. Seriously people. Are we that delusional that we need to pretend that Valentine’s Day is something other than the day of love.
Where teenage girls get giddy because that boy kissed her.
Where newlyweds burn everything while making that dinner where the thought that counts and they weren’t really going to eat the food anyways.
Where couples who have 50 years together find that one special chocolate candy the other has always loved.
We should be celebrating love and look for all the places we have it in our lives. Don’t all those mindset coaches tell us to put out there what we want to attract? Well if we celebrate being alone, isn’t that what we will attract? Don’t get me wrong; I have no problem embracing my strength as a single mom. Been doing it for 14+ years and am in no rush.
But to fall in love…. I’ll hold on to that dream.
Admit It: You Are Alone
And it is okay!
You won’t find me out with all my other single girlfriends throwing some grand party celebrating our independence on Valentine’s Day. I’ll be home, having another average dinner with my son wondering if he asked a girl (or got asked by anyone) to be his Valentine. Not that he would admit it, but it’s nice to think he did.
I don’t want to dilute Valentine’s Day. If I went out, it would be one great big reminder that everyone around us was in love, pretending to be in love or hoping love would spark through this romantic evening. As the hopeless romantic that I still dream about becoming, I don’t want to be the person accidentally sending side-eyed glances in disdain to the happy couple next to me.
Yes, I Said I’m a Hopeless Romantic
Don’t let the rumors hit you in the butt on the way out. I don’t want to celebrate being single on Valentine’s Day. And I don’t want to be around everyone in love either. I want to be home, watching sappy love stories on television after dinner – yes, I’ll probably get some indulgent dessert. I want to dream that love is still possible even for a curmudgeon like me.
There is no question that my return trip to the world of the living lovers has stalled. In fact, it could probably use a tow to the nearest single’s bar. After divorce, single moms often make tough choices. For me, it was refraining from the dating scene until I got my own life together again and wasn’t concerned with falling into the shit-storm I had when married. For that, I have no regrets.
My Valentine’s Day Mantra
You see, many single men and women watch others in love and think about the love they lost. They sit and ask themselves, “Why me? How did all this happen?” Anyone who knows even the superficial me knows I have no room for the victim mentality in my life. Yet, Valentine’s Day has me ponder, “Why not me?” It’s a subtle difference but one of curiosity not victimization.
I’m not exactly ugly. I’ve got a great career. I’m smart and actually can make someone snarf a drink with a well-timed joke. Meaning I’m confident enough to say, “I’m not a total loser.” Just a moderate one… at least when it comes to love.
Why Vs Why Not
You see, thinking of things in terms of the why me mode is looking backward at what happened and the negative things that led to a void in my life right now. But when I think of why not me, I find myself reminded of the choices I have made to be a mom first, build a career second and then open myself to love whenever (as you can see, it hasn’t developed a strong plan).
One day with everyone else celebrating might be hard, but it doesn’t change my choices or my perspective. In fact, it gives me hope. Because I know that if I made one choice for certain reasons and succeeded in my goals, that making another choice and putting forth the energy will also yield to results.
Because I am smart … and funny … and successful … and a good mother. And overall, I think I’m a pretty good person who strives to build other people up and help them be better versions of who they want to be. Oh, and I’m not ugly.
Why Not Appreciate Singles’ Awareness Day?
Look, I am no one to judge anyone for finding a way to not be depressed on a day like Valentine’s Day. For those who are recently single, struggling to get over the deep emotional struggles, being around your best single pals can be empowering. I get it.
For me, I don’t want to change my hope and belief that Cupid, with those stinking flimsy little arrows of his, might do me a favor and rapid fire 50 at me to see what sticks. I don’t want to be so appreciative of being single that I forget to look for or be open to love.
Laugh, I know. For a girl who hasn’t seemed to care about dating or falling in love, just remember that I am a sappy romantic. who cries at Hallmark commercials and gets a little warm feeling when I see a 70-year-old man open the door for his wife with a little extra pep because he is happy and in love.
I’m not ashamed to say it. I’d love to be in love like that. And I don’t want to be too appreciative on Single’s Awareness Day that I don’t actively seek greater love in my life.
Happy Valentine’s Day from this curmudgeon. If anyone needs an ear, I’m here. While I won’t make a fuss about Singles’ Awareness Day, I will always be willing to support those who need just someone to listen and laugh with.